Working full time, going to school half time. being mom to one grown up and one almost grown up...part time. (I wish it was more time), wife of grown up (at times) part time... and being me- not very much time at all, any more...
I miss laughing and my art. but I love learning and enjoy working... trying to find me in the new life I have created. I miss me. The me I thought I was and the new me I have become are at odds. This me I have become is an old me I traded in..when I became the artist, the caring and creative one. I traded in this serious, stressed, left brained creature I was to laugh and create. But that self had to go away to become this hard working serious self again, had to save the family... the home stead.
Oh, why can't the two selves find each other and dance in harmony.
I miss me.. the creative one... this serous one is boring and uptight. I had a glimmer of her, the creative one, yesterday when she dressed up the pets and laughed very hard all afternoon. But today she is gone and she says things like "I can't, I have to study and I can't, I have work to do..".When all she wants to do is carve pumpkins a day late with her very grown up little girl.
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